Poems i did Wrote

Many years ago, in the days when hope

and joy had not been replaced with crushing

despair and deadness of my soul, Ruptured

Dog used to put on their own gigs.

One night a support band dropped out and

I decided to read some poems out ........

which were all about dead rock stars.

Finding the scraps of paper I did wrote

them on, I decided to let you, my faithful

download monkeys partake in my heart

rendered outpourings.

Brian Jones

Oh, Brian Jones

You were in the Rolling Stones

You thought that you

were onto a winner

turns out you were a very poor swimmer.

Jim Morrison

Oh, Jim Morrison

You were in a band called the Doors

turns out you were not much cop at swimming either.

Elvis Presley

Oh, Elvis Presley

You were called the King

You stuffed your face

went for a crap

and died when you were poo.....ing.

John Lennon

Oh, John Lennon

Your death was planned all along

You paid Mark Chapman

to gun you down

So you would not have to hear another Yoko song.

Kurt Cobain

Oh, Kurt Cobain

Your death was a tragedy

but I think you are a wanker

because I had tickets to see you play

at Brixton Academy.

This was about a week after he had died -

man, the booing was loud that night!

The abuse I got was almost as bad as the time

R Dog starting playing gigs with a robot guitar

player that I did build.

ARE YOU LISTENING, SONIC YOUTH - with your

de-tuned guitars and screwdrivers in the fretboard.....

our rhythm guitar player left and I replaced them

with a robot!

If anyone would like this option, please follow the

handy instructions below:

Place guitar on stand.

Find a old toy car - battery operated- and gaffa

tape it to the body, near the strings.

Glue a piece of electrical flex to the wheel, so when

turned on, the wheel can spin around, making the wire

hit the guitar strings at a constant speed.

Tune guitar to an open "E" chord.

Plug into a fuzzbox.

Plug into amplifier, making sure it the feedback is

at bowel loosening volume.

Mike up to the PA system.

All set to go!

Watch people start to leave the room as they realise

that you intend to leave it on for 35 minutes!