Friday, 22 April 2011

Poems i did Wrote

Many years ago, in the days when hope
and joy had not been replaced with crushing
despair and deadness of my soul, Ruptured
Dog used to put on their own gigs.

One night a support band dropped out and
I decided to read some poems out ........
which were all about dead rock stars.

Finding the scraps of paper I did wrote
them on, I decided to let you, my faithful
download monkeys partake in my heart
rendered outpourings.

Brian Jones
Oh, Brian Jones
You were in the Rolling Stones
You thought that you
were onto a winner
turns out you were a very poor swimmer.

Jim Morrison
Oh, Jim Morrison
You were in a band called the Doors
turns out you were not much cop at swimming either.

Elvis Presley
Oh, Elvis Presley
You were called the King
You stuffed your face
went for a crap
and died when you were

John Lennon
Oh, John Lennon
Your death was planned all along
You paid Mark Chapman
to gun you down
So you would not have to hear another Yoko song.

Kurt Cobain
Oh, Kurt Cobain
Your death was a tragedy
but I think you are a wanker
because I had tickets to see you play
at Brixton Academy.

This was about a week after he had died -
man, the booing was loud that night!

The abuse I got was almost as bad as the time
R Dog starting playing gigs with a robot guitar
player that I did build.

de-tuned guitars and screwdrivers in the fretboard.....
our rhythm guitar player left and I replaced them
with a robot!

If anyone would like this option, please follow the
handy instructions below:

Place guitar on stand.

Find a old toy car - battery operated- and gaffa
tape it to the body, near the strings.

Glue a piece of electrical flex to the wheel, so when
turned on, the wheel can spin around, making the wire
hit the guitar strings at a constant speed.

Tune guitar to an open "E" chord.

Plug into a fuzzbox.

Plug into amplifier, making sure it the feedback is
at bowel loosening volume.

Mike up to the PA system.

All set to go!

Watch people start to leave the room as they realise
that you intend to leave it on for 35 minutes!

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