Half Term

These are the sort of scenes that will greet me this week

as I take my daughter out in her half term holiday.

Huge, endless queues for whatever crazed attraction

has taken her fancy.

But before all that, I need to make her catch up on

some of her school work.

With all the cuts that this government is forcing

onto the education system, there appear to be some

shocking and glaring gaps in her current leaning curve.

She cannot tell the difference between "Master of Puppets"

and "And Justice For All"!

She refuses to listen to Bon Scott era AC/DC!

She thinks "Grinderman" will never be as good

as "The Bad Seeds"!

Even after making her stand in the rain all night, she

still cannot tell me the correct running order for The

Ramones double album "It's Alive"!

She is now starting to doubt my claim that I invented

Punk - even though I have showed her doctored press

cuttings and taken her to meet various members of the

Sex Pistols to back up my story. Of course they were not

the real Pistols but the tramps who live under Waterloo

Bridge who will do most things for 12 cans of Special

Brew ........ as well as lying to young children, they will

also fight each other, dance until they pass out and perform

in snuff movies. Oh, how they made me chuckle!

Now you can see how the education system has let her down.

Dreadful shocking, ain't it.

I mean, children are our future ...... I really mean that .....

after all, it is the kids in junior school that I sold all the

heroin to. I now know I was wrong in doing that and have

stopped.

The initial outlay is very expensive and it takes ages to put it

into those tiny little bags!

Instead, I am now making loads of cash selling fake, photoshopped

nude pictures of Justin Bibier to teenage girls. Much cheaper overheads

and almost, virtually legal!